one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
