i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
