One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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