did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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