he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
