Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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