I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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