i just google imaged poop.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
