lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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