her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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