apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
