I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
