Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
