something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize