We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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