I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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