Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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