she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i think my cat just said my name.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
