he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Holy sore nipples Batman
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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