It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
