i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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