I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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