Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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