They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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