i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
