her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Everything about him screamed your future.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
