Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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