dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
