I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
