I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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