but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
