bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
