Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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