I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
