I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
