I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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