dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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