mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
