Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
