wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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