Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
