If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
