why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
