Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
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