apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
