Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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