I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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