nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
