so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
