So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
