I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
