Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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