Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
