Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
