Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
