Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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