I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
