Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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