ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
