so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
