Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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