the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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