My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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