How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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