I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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