I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
