I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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