woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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