if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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