Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
