I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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