I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize