In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
