my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
