if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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