never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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