Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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