Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize