Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
