How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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